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Curhat: What (Not) to Do

A few weeks ago I experienced a situation that challenged the way I lived my life. I began to question everything (I thought) I have done right and wonder where it all went wrong. I got stuck in my head for too long so I decided to seek enlightenment from my closest ones.

Gue butuh curhat.

When we feel hurt, the desire to share our experience heightens. We want to express our anger, sadness, disappointment ASAP.

Do it with the right person and a massive weight would be lifted off your chest. Do it with the wrong one and the tightness in your chest would be doubled with additional headache.

So, what can we do to make it right?



Give yourself a moment before calling someone and ask: “Can I trust this person? Can I have the necessary support from them?”

Consider their behavior in the past. Did they respect your privacy? Were they judgmental? Could they see things from your point of view and understand it?



Some need advice, some just need to let it out. Be clear about your expectations and communicate it with them. They may have the best intentions but if a valuable advice isn’t what you need right now, let them know.



Seeing different perspectives is great. It can help you get better understanding of the situation and build greater empathy. Some is good, but seeing too many may cloud your judgment.

Trust yourself to make the final decision. Don’t worry about making the wrong one. You should know what is best for you.



While it’s totally okay to have one go-to person that you feel comfortable confiding in, you can also categorize your trusted companions. It doesn’t have to be an *actual* database in Excel. A mental note will do.

A friend who shares excellent pieces of business advice may not be fluent in love languages or practicing the butterfly hug; though if you managed to find one, keep them for life!



Isn’t it great to talk to someone who makes you feel heard and validated? Someone who listens attentively and doesn’t interrupt or go off talking about themselves while you’re pouring your heart out?

Good news: those relational skills can be learned.

Practice empathy, active listening, and open communication in your daily life and you will attract people who share similar values.



Your friends may have limited capacity, your family may not be 24/7 supportive, your partner may be biased.

Seek professional help that will give you the needed coping tools and strategies. Let them help you help yourself. 🙂

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