It sucks not being able to speak the truth.
I didn’t really see that until the one-hour call I had with an old friend a couple days ago. His particular questions about my life in the recent days helped me untangle my emotional knots.
Typically, I always felt the strong need to explain myself to everyone as if I owed them one. This time, I considered it an attempt to understand my thought process better, for myself. Man, liberating was an understatement.
I no longer working as a recruiter.
A preferred way to put it as I’m not a recruiter anymore feels like losing an identity which might be a big deal to people who failed to see themselves beyond profession. *cough*
“But you seem so recruiter to me!” he mentioned the writings and events I did that he found pretty relevant to the job. Point well made, however, let’s not take my personal fulfilment out of the equation.
Being a recruiter at a giant tech company has allowed me to awe-inspiringly shape my career life, and without my realisation, it became my new and only identity. A fancy one I must say. It opened endless networks and opportunities, boosted my confidence, did my CV just right… It was easy for me to address myself as a [profession] at [the company].
Unfortunately, it didn’t fill the void.
My love for learning about people and sharing the experiences with the world have often been mistaken for commitment to have a career in recruitment. While the learning curve was amazing, the big question always made its way to my head:
“Is this the career you’re going to pursue?”
I was too cowardly to do what I knew to be right. Stuck behind the fancy identity, I didn’t know how to look past the two-page CV (thanks to my daily routine for reinforcing the idea). I was convinced that I’d be nothing without one. Would people look at me differently? Would I be less worthy?
Encouraging words are meaningless without actionable plans. It’s always easier said than done, but the key is to have your own plans and work your ass off until people’s opinion no longer sounds like a fact.
Your profession plays a big part in your life, and as fulfilling as it could be, it’s only a part of many. Many that you have and have yet to discover.
The thought of starting over was scary as hell, but the thought of staying for the sake of comfort was unbearable.
We all have our own path to follow and sometimes we feel envious of others’ seemingly smoother path along the way. God knows the pebbles and piranhas they had to go through earlier.
Different paths require different steps. I decided to start somewhere small, without giving it too much thoughts—anything that piqued my heart’s interest. Who knows waking up early one morning with eerie excitement to recreate her mum’s favourite cookie would get a first-time baker selling 250 jars of Skippy Balls in two weeks. Yes, you gotta have the balls to conquer the world (literally and figuratively).
I’m scared and excited at the same time to see what the future holds. It was the fear of change that I should have quit long time ago, not the job.
If given the opportunity, I wish to stay true to my roots where the dream is to help others achieve theirs.
Enjoying the finest peanut butter Skippy in a new way, for instance.